


The Driver

by Frink



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Anger, Angst, Backstory, Cars, Dark Comedy, Drama, Mild Sexual Content, Morality, Philosophy, Platonic Romance, Redemption, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25406320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frink/pseuds/Frink
Summary: An ape demon is employed as Charlie's chauffer. He slowly becomes ingratiated with the Hazbin crew. An introspective story with light comedic/romance elements sprinkled in throughout. An OC centered story that takes place over the course of one year.
Kudos: 12





	1. The Assignment

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multi-chapter fic. Comments and Criticisms welcomed. Hazbin Hotel is owned by Vivienne Medrano.

Pentagram City Royal Guard Authority  
Driver Applicant Form

First name: Rory  
Last name: n/a  
DOB: 09/07/1992  
Expiration date: 01/05/2012

Position: VIP Transport  
Starting salary: n/a  
Start date: 05/31/2020

Job Summary: Delivery of high value individual to his/her destination unharmed.

Note: use of company vehicle is permitted

Employment status: APPROVED

~~~~~~~~~

Subject final interview:

"So, let's see here..." A gruff, fat, balding demon shuffles through papers on a clipboard, flipping through them without much care. "Special skills: City Guard certified aptitude in defensive driving, evasive manuvers, liscenced automotive safety technician from the department of transport, adaped to high stress situations and poor weather road conditions. 5 star rating from PC drivers bureau..."

He flipped to the next page. His eyes were caught by a statement at the bottom, written in red ink. "Possible issues: May need psychiatric evaluation. Possible health risk to himself and others. Recommend enlistment in anger management course."

"Is that going to be a problem?" A calm, masculine voice returned.

"Oh no, nothing like that. You've already been approved, by the big man himself no less. I'm just here to make sure your all set up for your first day. Let me give you your client's address." The older demon took a big puff of cigar. He held out a Manilla file folder for the other demon to accept, only to withhold it at the last second. "I don't think I need to tell you how important this job is. Remember, you're not just a chauffer. If the princess's safety is threatened in any way, it's your job to make sure she gets out of harm's way immediately. If anything happens to her..." He drags a finger across his throat and makes a cutting sound.

"I think I'll manage" the demon received the file into his outstretched hand. The hand featured a liberal amount of dark brown hairs covering the back and knuckles. Pulling back, the hand belonged to an equally hairy set of arms wearing a tight white dress shirt and black suit jacket. Aside from the excess hair, the body of this demon was very human-like. It was only in the facial region that his true form stood apart.

This figure featured the clearly identifiable visage of a simian, almost chimp-like facial structure, complete with flat nose, wide ears, and small cranial crown.

The simian rose from his chair and walked toward the exit of the dimly lit office. But before he reached the door, the older demon addressed him.

"Oh, before I forget erm- Rory was it? Be patient with the boss's daughter. She's uh, "different" from the normal people you meet down here."


	2. Joy Ride

(Limo interior, Lucifer Magne's office building, basement parking level, 5 months after assignment)

"Right here's good." Charlotte Magne, Lucifer's daughter and princess of hell, spoke through the window between the back of the limo and the driver's seat.

The driver parked near the entrance and shut the engine off. "Get out and wait for me, I'll just be a minute" the princess walked down the ramp to a lower level of the garage.

Rory leaned against the hood of the white limousine and dug through the pocket of his suit jacket. "Figure I've got a few minutes." He pulls a pack of smokes out of the pocket, glances at it for a few moments, then stuffs it back in. "Nah, I'd better quit." He removed his chauffer's cap and wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead. The shirt he wore constrained his neck and the stuffy jacket and warm weather made things even worse. There was a large bald spot on the top of his head that he liked to keep hidden at all times.

After a minute or two of waiting, a very expensive looking black sports car rolls up from the lower level. The the window rolls down to reveal a smiling Charlie in the driver's seat. "Get in!"

"The passenger seat?"

"Yes dummy! Stop asking questions and hurry up!"

The simian quickly ran around to the passenger side door and threw himself in, slamming his head on the top of the doorway in the process. The car then peeled out of the garage and out onto the street with a thunderous roar.

"What are we doing Charlie?" Rory asked, puzzled.

Charlie glanced at him and nervously shifted her eyes back to the road. "Umm.. we're borrowing my dad's car! There's a place I wanted to visit with you and we're gonna need the extra power."

"Wow, that was really nice of him to lend it to you."

Charlie's fingers tap on the steering wheel nervously. "Yeah uhh... That's cause he... He uh, didn't...."

Rory's face twisted as if he had been struck by lightning. "Wait... Did we just..." His voice started to panic as Charlie giggled. "DID WE JUST STEAL YOUR DAD'S CAR?!"

Her giggle had become an all out gut busting laugh at this point.

Rory raised a hand to his head his breath grew rapid and short. "Oh god.. I am so fucked... Why would you do that?!"

Charlie's tone returned to it's normal bubbliness. "Relax Rory, I'll take full credit if we get caught. Look, I've wanted this car ever since I was a teenager, and my dad never uses it. When I became old enough to drive, I asked if I could have it, he just laughed and said 'a girl your age shouldn't be traveling around without a chaperone'. A chaperone, can you believe it! I'm over 500 years old, I don't need him hovering over me all the time.

Rory simply kneaded the ridge of his brow and sighed. "Ugh, fine...." He paused. "So where are we going?"

~~~~~~~~~

(Hell's salt flat desert highway, one hour outside of Pentagram City)

Rory cranked up the air-conditioning and and removed his jacket and tie. "Charlie, you mind telling me what we're doing out here at the ass end of of a dry lake bed in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere?"

Charlie remained silent, instead looking straight forward, tightly gripping the steering wheel with a devilish smile on her face. "Do you have any idea what we're sitting in right now?"

A confused Rory pondered. "Um, a car?"

Charlie quietly recited from memory. "The Inferno Model Z100 custom built to my father's exact specifications. A modified 6.2 Liter V8 engine creates approximately 650 foot-lbs of torque, delivered across all four wheels deliveres a peak 770 horsepower, achieving a 0-60 time of under 2 seconds."

"That doesn't sound so bad" Rory naively responded.

"That was before my father had the fuel injection system fitted to run off of a supernatural mixture of solid rocket propellent, oxygen, and that black goopy stuff that comes off of sinners after they're exterminated.... This car literally runs off of dead people."

"...I'm not gonna lie. That's pretty fucking metal" Rory gulped. "What's it's top speed?"

"I dont know" Charlie remarked concernedly. "That's what I want you to find out today. And that's why we're here. Sitting in front of us is the longest straightaway in all of Hell. 16 miles of perfectly flat road, and with clear skies and no traffic to boot". She turned off the ignition and handed him the keys. "She's all yours."

"W-what?! Me? I mean.. I cant. What if I crash it?" Rory defensively remarked.

"You won't crash. I trust you. You're the best driver I've ever seen. There's no one more qualified" She gave him her trademark puppy dog eyes.

He sighed, "why do I let you talk me into these things?" They switched sides and Rory was once again in the fancy leather driver's seat. He turned the key in the ignition and hear the unmistakable purr of an older engine starting up.

Just as he was about to shift into first gear, Charlie placed a hand over his. "One more thing. I want you to close your eyes."

Rory shot her a look that said 'is this bitch serious?' "There is NO WAY I'm doing that."

"Come on Rory, I want you to feel the road. Become one with the car, I'll even help you steer. I want you to see what I see. It's more than just a car, It's freedom, It's exhilaration. I promise I won't let us crash."

She could tell he needed more convincing. "Pleeeease. For me?" She said in a sad, pouty voice while flashing her eyelashes.

He couldn't say no.

"Now hold them tight, and no peeking! I'll know."

"This is so incredibly stupid."

"I know isn't it GREAT!"

Rory took a deep breath, tightened his grip on the wheel and the shiftbox, closed his eyes as tight as he could, said a quick prayer to whatever diety would listen, and then slammed on the accelerator.

Their eyes felt as if they were going to explode out the back of their skulls and through the head cushions. The bowel-emptying roar of the engine was only met by it's deafening scream. The two hurtled down the road with such velocity that the asphalt below them nearly crumbled in their wake. The shit was fast, yo.

Rory put everything he had into keeping the wheel straight, and it took every ounce of mental fortitude to not open his eyes.

Charlie meanwhile, was a mess. Though she tried to keep her promise to help him steer, it wouldn't be long before a combination of the heat, the sound, and the vibration of the engine was too much for the poor girl.

"Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck we're gonna die" Rory mumbled to himself

"Relax.... We're..... We're doing fine" Charlie said, exasperated. An odd sensation was overtaking her. Before she could identity what that sensation was was however, she blurted out "faster!" like she was a drill instructor barking out orders in boot camp.

After what seemed like an eternity, Rory finally opened his eyes. The road and the scenery were blowing by at a rate faster than his eyes could comprehend. Next to him, Charlie was barely responsive, hunched back, nearly falling out of her seat. Her legs were shaking and her hand clutched one of his sleeves tightly. She was making these strange sounds for some reason...

"Oh yes! Oh fuck yes! Don't you dare fucking slow down!" The tone and intensity in her voice scared him. His father had always told him that fast cars had a certain effect on women, and Rory wondered if this is what he meant.

After about a minute, the straightaway was coming to an end and he finally let off the gas. They both let out exhausted breaths.

"So...(gasp)...how fast...(gasp)... did we go?" The words could barely leave Charlie's mouth.

"The speedometer maxed out at 240mph (386 km/h), so we'll never know."

~~~~~

(Meanwhile at Lucifer's office)

"......... WHERE'S MY FUCKING CAR!"


	3. Rory's Past

(Happy Hotel basement, 6 months after assignment)

"Psst. This way" Charlie quietly motioned for Rory to follow her down the stairs, the flashlight she held the only source of light in the room.

"What is this you wanted to show me?" Rory asked.

"This." Charlie grinned and snapped her fingers. A glowing blue portal appeared. "This is a portal to the living world."

"Does your father know about this?"

Charlie rolled her eyes. "You could write a book with all the things my dad doesn't know about me."

"Are you ever gonna tell me why you're so pissed at your dad?"

"Maybe another day" Charlie nervously looked down at the floor, rubbing her cold white hands together.

"Does anyone else know about this?"

"Alastor, Vaggie, and Angel. I've taken each of them once I've learned they could be trusted."

Rory scratched the back of his head. "Is that trust extended to me now?"

Charlie smiled. "Absolutely. I trust you with my life now."

A rare smile greeted Rory's face. "Th-thank you."

Charlie grabbed his hand and led him through the portal.

~~~~~~~~~~~

(Long Island, New York, Earth)

They stepped through to the living world. Like a breeze of cool air that engulfs you when you enter a supermarket on a hot day, hell's oppressively hot humidity was replaced by fresh sulfur-less air.

A wave of relief crashed over Rory's body, as if years of stress and torture were lifted from his shoulders. Jubilant, he lay flat on his stomach and kissed the ground as he wept. "All the things I took for granted..." 

Charlie stood behind him and chuckled "This is my favorite part of the job."

"Why didn't you tell me you could travel here? Why haven't you taken more people?"

"Because I can only keep the portal open for a short time, and I can only take one person at a time."

"I don't understand."

"Look, this power of mine is still expiramental. I only recently discovered I could do it. As for why I can only take one person.... It's because of my dad. Being the King of Hell, he doesn't want any of his 'playthings' escaping. He has informants everywhere. I'm masking our location with magic, but if you stray too far from me, you'll quickly be dragged back down to hell."

"How long do we have?"

"I'd say we have about 24 hours before they sense the portal and catch wind of us."

"24 hours..." Rory repeated to himself. "One day to live again..." He looked her in the eyes. "Thank you. This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

She coyly stared at her shoes and fumbled through her hair. "Consider it a gift." She blushed. "You look very cute by the way..."

"Huh?" Rory looked down at his hands. His eyes widened in shock. No hair. He ran to the nearest car and looked into it's side mirror. There he was, his clothes were the same, but his facial features were now that of a completely normal human, not a day different from the day he died. A combination of laughter and joyous hollering followed. He nearly started dancing in the middle of the street, but was nearly run over by an oncoming car.

"GET OUTTA THE ROAD ASSHOLE"

"Ay, fuck you I'm walkin' over here!" Rory was taken aback. Even some of his old mannerisms had returned. He quickly returned to his giddy laughing fit.

Charlie eagerly waited for him to return to the sidewalk. "Sooo.... What do you wanna do today?"

He just shrugged, still in disbelief at the events currently unfolding.

"Everything."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And so the two ventured from burrough to burrough, site to sound, taking in all the city could offer them, not a moment wasted. They went to a baseball game, fed birds in central park, heckled some poor hack at a comedy club, went to a theatre and watched some cheesy b-movies, rode the roller coasters at Coney Island, then walked down to the beach for a swim. All the delicious food, music, and fun that made life worth living.

Charlie even tried her hand at street performing in Time Square. With her face already pale white, she attempted her best mime routine. Her lack of practice shone through however since their donation hat was noticeably change-free. They got a good laugh out of it though.

As the day wound down, they found themselves at a dive bar in South Queens. The streetlights had just turned on, and the refuse started to crawl out of their holes for the night. 

"Any reason you chose this place in particular?" Charlie raised an eyebrow.

Hunched over the barstool, Rory nursed a bottle of whiskey. "Nah, I just needed a place to think. Got a lot on my mind right now..."

"Like what? Is there anyone you wanted to see while you were here?"

"Not really. Everyone I knew is either dead or hates my guts."

"Why's that?"

Rory just stared at her with furrowed brow. "Look. This may come as a shock to you princess, but I wasn't exactly the nicest guy when I was still kicking."

"But why the mood change? You seemed so happy just a few hours ago."

"I am happy. Really I am. It's just...." He sighed. "It makes me think about how I used to get worked up over all this trivial bullshit y'know? I just wished I- I don't know, helped somebody for a change?"

Charlie sat down at the stool next to him, summoned a glass out of thin air, and poured herself a shot from his bottle. "Well... What do I always say? It's never too late to start over!"

Out of Rory's periphery sat an elderly man, pale papery skin, white parted hair, liver spots, at the edge of the bar, staring blankly at the reflection in his glass. To an ordinary person, nothing about him would raise any alarms. However, demons possess a keen sense of certain conditions among the living. In this case, an unmistakable odor eminated from him. This man possessed the stench of a man that was soon to meet his maker. Rory slowly approached and awkwardly plopped down onto the stool next to him. Charlie could sense it too, and she soon followed suit.

"Howdy stranger." Rory said.

The old man glanced at Rory, then returned to his glass. He said nothing.

"You don't have any plans tonight, do you?"

"Not really" man's voice lacked energy and interest.

"Not planning on hurting yourself are you?"

"Hurt myself? No, I was just planning on killing myself."

Charlie sat back and crossed her arms. "What is he doing?" She thought concernedly. "Is he going to try to talk him out of it?"

"Have you already made up your mind?" Said Rory.

"Pretty much."

"Oh... That's too bad."

They sat there quietly for about 20 seconds.

Rory swished his drink around. "You know, if there's anything you wanted to do before then, now's pretty much the time to do that. I'm sure you knew that already, but I mean it. Any loose ends, any final goodbyes. It's best to get that stuff settled while you're still here."

"You sound like you're speaking from experience."

He chuckled, "Yeah, I guess I do."

The old man sighed. "I guess I could give my son a call."

"You have a son?"

"Yeah, we haven't spoken in years though."

"Do you still love him?"

"Yeah, but I don't think he loves me anymore. I've done a lot of terrible things in my life."

"None of that matters now. Just one phonecall couldn't hurt.... Anyway I won't tell you how to live your life. I'll get out of your hair now."

As Rory started toward the bar entrance, he thought he heard the old man say "thanks".

Charlie caught up to Rory outside the bar. "What was that?! Why didn't you try to stop him?"

"You smelled him, no matter what happens, he's still gonna go through with it. I just wanted to make sure he got everything straightened out while he was still topside."

Charlie's eyes perked up. "Either way, you just showed a clear case of empathy, and according to the little amount of research I've done on the subject, empathy is a major step on the road to rehabilitation!

A small smile appeared on his face. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As the two walked down the dimly lit street. Out of the shadows, night stalking scoundrels with ill intent would lay eyes upon them. They were being followed.

"Hey Mami, where you goin?!"

"Hey sweetie, I just wanna talk to you!"

"Hey, where you walkin' boy?"

Around a dozen men had surrounded them.

"Hey stop! We're talking to you!" One of them shouted.

Charlie looked peeved. "Just ignore them Rory, they can't hurt us. Besides, we don't have time for gutter trash like them."

"The fuck you just say, bitch?" One of them pulled out a switchblade.

The gang closed in, and soon had them against the wall of a brick apartment building.

Rory looked their leader dead in the eye. "Wait a minute... I know these guys."

The leader squinted for a second, smiled, and then produced a nickel plated 1911 from his coat pocket. "Oh yeah... Didn't I kill your ass?"

"What's he talking about?" Charlie worriedly asked.

"I used to run with a gang. These fuckers jumped me, stole my shit then shot me and left me bleeding on the side of the road."

The gang leader laughed "Yeah, but I shot you in the head... You look good for a dead man."

One of his followers piped out, "Hehe, remember how we shot at his feet and told him to dance like a monkey? I think he pissed himself!"

"Yeah I do remember that. That was some funny shit."

"Are you done?" Said Rory, looking down at the ground ashamedly.

"Naw, empty out your pockets then fuck off. As for you Mami..." He pointed the gun at Charlie. "Bring your sexy lil ass over here and let us show you a good time."

"That's not gonna happen!" Charlie roared defiantly.

"Have it your way..." He said as he cocked the hammer of his pistol.

Just then, Rory's training kicked in as a he stepped between Charlie and the gun. A loud BANG ripped out around the block. He placed a hand to his chest.

Nothing.

It was at that point that he remembered Charlie telling him at some point that human weapons do nothing against demons.

"What the fuck?" The leader looked at his gun then began unloading his entire clip into the man. The bullets simply disappeared when they reached his body. The gang member with the switchblade tried stabbing Charlie in the back. The blade snapped when it reached her shirt. The gang looked at eachother and ran, all except the leader whose neck was being wrung by Rory. He threw him up against the wall of the apartment building and raised him up with one hand.

"What are you gonna do to him?" Charlie spoke. "I wouldn't kill him, but I won't judge you if that's what you decide to do."

"Relax Charlie, I'm just gonna scare him a little."

Rory returned his hands to the gang leader's neck, who was now choking, crying, and sweating profusely.

He looked back at Charlie and smiled "Watch this, I've been practicing it for a while." He cleared his throat.

"Do you know which animal has the scariest set of teeth? It's not a Tiger, or a Shark or anything like that. It's actually the Chimpanzee. See, they're all scraggly, dirty, and dull looking, they aren't precision cutting instruments like what you see in a big cat.

Kinda like this."

His visage returned to that of a simian for a split second, and he flashed his canines as he let out a perfectly replicated bloodcurdling chimp screech.

The goon's legs thrashed as his crushed larynx held back horrified screams.

Rory's eyes glowed bright red, and his voice grew deeper and more warped.

"Did you know that Chimp's hunt other monkeys? It's not pretty either. When they catch one, they don't even have the decency to kill it before they start eating it. They start with the soft parts, like the eyes, and genitals...."

The man in his grasp trembled, tears rolled down his eyes, and he was dangerously close to losing control of his bowels.

"....would you like me to eat your eyes?"

Silence filled the air for an uncomfortably long amount of time, the terrified man's whimpers the only ambiance.

"I think he gets the point" Charlie remarked.

Rory's appearance quickly returned to normal and his demeanor was once again calm. "Right then, off you go." He dusted off the man's shoulders, and playfully punched him in the shoulder before he stumbled away into the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two sat on a boardwalk bench and watched the sun rise over the ocean, watching the seagulls and chatting.

"Do you miss being alive?"

"Of course I do. I'm just not gonna pretend it was as amazing as people say it was. I never really saw the afterlife as anything all that different, I lived it largely as a continuation, the same as I did when I was alive. I mean, yeah there's a lot more suffering and everything, but that doesn't mean things can't get better tomorrow."

"Does that mean you believe in what I'm doing at the hotel?"

"I think so. People go crazy when they don't have hope. You give hope to people that felt abandoned by the world. Heh, I guess that makes you more forgiving than God."

"Ha, maybe..."

"Have you ever talked to God?"

"No. But my dad has. You might have already heard, but my dad doesn't really like God that much."

"Yeah. I think pretty much everyone knows that."

"Yeah, I guess so.... I don't know, I guess my dad has just laid out this big plan for me to become the ruler of hell one day, rule over sinners with an iron fist, and lead some kind of demon army against heaven or something. I just get kinda PO'd sometimes because I feel like he didn't really ask me what I wanted to do."

"What do you want to do?"

"I'm happy with what I've got now. I'd be completely lost without someone like Vaggie at my side."

Rory frowned, "Vaggie, right..."

The sun shone bright over low hanging clouds.

"We don't have much time left. We should probably get going. We can come back whenever you want you know, all you gotta do is ask." Charlie mentioned.

"Thanks. But I think I'm good for a while."


	4. The Extermination

(Downtown Pentagram City, 11 months after assignment)

A black moon hung over a red sky. City streets mostly abandoned. Nothing but the sound of trash blowing in the wind. Steam rose from vents in the pavement. Demons huddled underground or took shelter in abandoned concrete dwellings. Tires squeal in the distance.

A white limousine careens through the streets. It's being driven with an abnormal sense of urgency. For tonight is the night of Hell's annual extermination. For the purposes of population control, once a year, angelic forces descend on the population and slaughter anyone unlucky enough to be caught outside. There are multiple passengers inside this limousine. Charlie, a kind, albeit naive young woman with a dream of redeeming sinners. Vagatha, Charlie's salty yet supportive girlfriend/assistant. The spider-demon Angel Dust, a dimwit and a sexual deviant who is also a resident at Charlie's hotel. And Alastor, a charismatic cannibal with an astonishing amount of both female admirers and free time on his hands.

At the helm of this vessel was a short tempered ape demon known simply as Rory. Young, but skilled beyond his years behind the wheel, what started as a simple chauffer gig roped into an escapade that could see the fate of the underworld permanently altered.

"Alright, that's it" Vaggie said crossing off names from a long list. "All the residents are accounted for. Everyone's either dead or back at the hotel."

"You should've known better than to be caught outside Angel, on tonight of all nights!" Charlie scolded the lanky pink spider.

Angel Dust responded harshly. "Hey, I was workin' late tonight! Plus my ride bailed on me. It's not my fault no one wants to be out on the streets right now!"

"Hush hush my boy! You should consider yourself lucky. Why, Charlie here went out of her way to send us out to search for you! Against my better judgement..." Alastor spoke with his trademark cheerful tone and shit-eating grin.

"What the fuck did you just say, static brain?" Angel lashed in return.

Not five minutes together and Angel and Alastor were already at eachother's throats. 

Meanwhile, in the front of the car, Rory chimed in with a concerned look on his face. "Uh, guys? We got a problem."

The rest of the gang leaned in to look through the front windshield. Sifting through the charred remains of bodies and crashed cars in front of them was a number of heaven's infamous angelic exterminators. White bodies with digitized faces and wielding spears. An ordinary demon would stand no chance against one, let alone several.

"Shit, get us out of here Rory" Charlie issued the order to her driver.

"Hold on, I gotta flip a U-ey" the attempted maneuver nearly sent the limo flying into a light pole. "Fuck! The turning radius is atrocious. This thing must weigh like a million pounds!"

"Must be Vaggie's fat ass weighing us down" the catty spider joked.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP ANGEL!" Vaggie responded with seethe.

"Where do we go?" said Charlie

Vaggie reassured her. "Look, all we gotta do is make our way back to the hotel. We're on 21st Street so it should be a straight shot from here."

Rory butted in "No can do missy. We're on the south side of town during a weekday. Traffic would be unbearable at this time of day. Plus people are abandoning their cars to find shelter, we'll have to find a way around."

Vaggie's brow ruffled. "What! We don't have time for a detour. We could be target practice any second no-"

"Yo, can everyone just SHUT THE FUCK UP for one second and let me think!" Rory snapped.

The limo was noticeably silent for a few seconds.

"Okay, at this time of day, the highway should be wide open"

"But that's on the other side of town!"

"Yeah, but it'll take us around the heart of the city and away from most of the angels"

"But that'll take too long."

"Which is why we gotta haul ass. Now if you got seatbelts back there, I suggest you put 'em on"

Before anyone had time to react to what he just said, Rory slammed on the accelerator, the tires squealed and the limo hurtled down the road. The four passengers experienced the limits of their personal space as they got nice and cozy with eachother scrunched up against the very back of the cabin.

"Hey get your ass outta my face!" Angel said to Alastor. Normally, Angel would be extatic about being in such a situation, but Alastor shared this discomfort.

"You get your face out of my ass!" Alastor was well known for his witty comebacks. Not all of them were zingers though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The roar of the engine did little to drown out the stomach churning shriek of the exterminators circling above them. A loud thud could be heard as one of them landed atop the roof of the speeding car, followed by another. Sparks flew as a spearhead sliced it's way down into the central cavity. A variety of erratic turns proved ineffective at shaking them off the top. Desperate, Angel Dust pulled a tommy gun out from under one of the seats, leaned out one of the windows, and fired wildly up into the face of the attackers.

A fair amount of blood splattered out of the angel's eyes, enough for it to cry out in pain, and loosen it's grip on the car.

"Does that even hurt them?!" said Vaggie.

"Probably not, but I imagine it don't feel too good neither" Angel said fumbling around the seat for another magazine.

Vaggie yanked out the spear lodged in the roof and handed it to Charlie. "Here."

"But I've never used one of these before!"

"No better time to learn."

Trying to keep his eyes on the road, Rory glanced up to see a particularly large angel flying right beside them. His face shifted from that of nervousness to pure terror. "Looks like our friends are back." 

Using an unnatural amount of power, the angel rammed it's body into the side of the limo, causing it to veer out of control. Rory could barely manage a "Shit!" Before the vehicle smashed through a divider, causing it to fly off of an overpass, and onto the street below. The car flipped several times before sliding to a stop upside-down.

The dazed passengers coughed and hacked as smoke started to fill the cabin. "(cough) Is everyone (cough) okay?" Charlie managed to choke out.

Crawling out of the smouldering, burning wreck, they found themselves at the foot of a hollowed out skyscraper, in a permanent state of disrepair since last year's purge. "We'll have to hold up here tonight" Charlie said.

"What?! We can't stay here! It's too exposed!" Vaggie replied

"We're too far from the hotel, and and we'll be sitting ducks if we stay out in the streets."

Just as she said this, the angel from earlier swooped down and landed at the steps of the building.

"Looks like we'll be fighting our way out" Alastor said confidently cracking his knuckles. "Rest easy princess, I'll handle this." With a snap of his fingers, Alastor summoned a tentacle from the ground, it flew at lightning speed, but the angel grabbed it midair and clamped down with it's jaws, severing the appendage immediately. Alastor doubled over, grabbing his hand and writhing in agony.

Vaggie charged with a spear, but the angel expertly dodged her attack, disarmed her and slammed her down into the ground face first.

Angel Dust attempted to fire his weapon, but the exterminator was too fast. It grabbed him by the neck and hurled him into a wall, breaking several of his bones in the process.

Her friends swiftly defeated, Charlie clenched her fists in anger as tears rolled down her face. She turned to the only one of her companions still standing. "Rory, get inside."

"No! If anything happens to you, ill-"

"No, Rory. You're my subject. It's my job to protect you now. Get inside, that's an order."

Rory gritted his teeth at his perceived cowardice, then slowly backed toward the entrance of the ruined building.

A half a dozen exterminators descended onto the street to join in. Rather than give in to the fear, Charlie summoned the courage to face these odds dead on. As they slowly closed in on her, she bent her knees and smirked.

"I learned this trick from my dad" she quietly spoke to herself.

In an instant, the solid matter that made up her body dissolved into a thick black liquid which seeped into the ground beneath her. Cracks began to form in the asphalt as the blackness spread to beneath the angel's feet. Like a virus infecting it's host, the dark material quickly began taking over their bodies. Sores and blisters started to appear on their skin. The lesions grew darker and large tumors began to form and unform from existence. No screams could be heard as they're throats were now swollen closed. Flesh began to bubble and drip onto the ground. Anything that wasn't bone began to melt. After a few more seconds of twitching, it was over. Nothing but a brown soup remained.

As Charlie reformed to her normal body, Rory, rushed outside, awestruck at what he just witnessed. "How did you do that?!"

She smiled and smugly inspected her nails. "You know, being hellborne and having royal blood does come with a few perks."

As the others regained consciousness, Charlie rushed to their side to comfort them and treat their wounds. Rory helped dig Angel Dust out of the rubble. "DiD wE wIn?" Angel mumbled deleriously through broken teeth.


	5. No Vacancy (or A Period of Self-Reflection)

(Hotel bar, one week after extermination)

Rory dug a pack of cigarettes out of his suit pocket. "Huh, forgot I had these". He casually tossed it into a nearby wastebin.

Husk, a surly, old feline bartender stood behind the bar tapping a claw. "What, you tryna go clean or somethin?"

"Something like that."

"You know, good for you. I like you kid. Here's one on the house."

"I don't drink alcohol"

Husk turned his face in disgust. "What are you some kinda fuckin Quaker?" he said in a gravely voice. "How'd you even get down here anyway?"

"I never found out. Apostasy probably."

"Pasta-what now?"

"It just means I rejected god. I never really saw him as that nice of a guy."

"Heh, you and me both"

They both stayed silent for a few moments.

Rory twiddled his thumbs. "Hey Husk, what's your situation with women like?"

Husk continued shining his glass with a cloth. "Depends who's askin'. Broke a lotta hearts, had my heart broken more than a couple times too. Why? There anyone you fancy in particular?"

Rory stumbled, "That's um....... Well....."

Angel Dust was leaning against the room's entrance, eavesdropping on the whole conversation. "He's been diggin' on Charlie for a while now" he interjected.

Rory was taken off guard, "Wha- how did you-?"

Angel crossed his arms. "Oh please, it's so obvious! I see how you look at her..."

"Please don't tell her."

"Relax I'm not. Look... All I'm saying is get in line, buddy. That lady's had suitors knocking down her door since she turned 150."

"Couldn't hurt to try" Husk commented. "Go on, shoot your shot. The worst that could happen is she says 'no'."

Rory took offense. "No, the worst thing that could happen is her father chops my balls off!"

It took a few minutes, but they were finally able to convince Rory to go for it. "Fine" he sighed, "I'll talk to her this evening"

"Atta boy" said Husk. "You know we should do this more often. Just sit around and talk. It's not often we get to enjoy the quieter moments like this."

"Never a quiet moment down here in hell" remarked Angel.

"Pssh, says the man that's fucked half of hell" Husk replied.

"Hey fuck you, you stupid cat!"

Rory laughed as he stood up from his stool. "Thanks. I'll be going now" he took the drink that was in front of him and threw it down.

"I thought you said you were going clean?" said Husk.

"I changed my mind. I'm gonna need it."

As Rory left the room, Angel cocked an eyebrow. "So how's about you slide one of those shots MY way?"

"Piss off freeloader" said Husk

"Hey I've offered to pay you know."

"For the last goddamn time, I don't want the kind of "payment" you're offering!" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night, Rory hesitantly knocked on Charlie's bedroom door. "God, this is so stupid"

"Come in!" a feminine voice spoke, muffled by the door. He opened the door. Charlie was sitting in front of a mirror putting on earrings. She glanced over. "What's up?"

"You need to go anywhere tonight?"

"No thanks. You have the rest of the night off." She said brushing her hair. Awkward silence filled the air. She doubled back. "Is there anything else you needed?"

He gulped "No it's nothing important. It's just.... well I j-just-"

"Out with it. Just say it!"

"I... think I'm in love with you..."

She put her brush down and stood up from her chair. "What do you mean you THINK you're in love with me?"

"I don't know. I mean... we've spent so much time together, and I just think you're kind of incredible. I can't explain why I feel the way I do. I just... DO, okay?"

She wasn't smiling. "Look, Rory..."

His heart sank. He knew that tone of voice.

Rejection.

"Look, your a nice guy and everything, but I'm already in a committed relationship"

"That's fine. I'm fine. Really I am." (He wasn't)  
"I know. I knew that. I'm so stupid. Why would I even bring this up?"

Her face grew more earnest. "Because your feelings have value. Because you deserve to be happy."

"I don't though!" He snapped. "All I ever did when I was alive was make other people miserable! I was such a selfish prick with a stick up his ass all the time, that I never cared about how other people felt!" A tear rolled down his cheek. "Face it, Charlie. I deserve to be down here."

She placed a hand on his shoulder. "That's not true. The signs of improvement are there. You've changed so much, even in the short time we've known eachother. You can't change the past, but if you just keep trying, try to be a better person than you were the day before, then things will work out in the end, I promise you."

Rory looked at himself in the mirror on her wall. "I've always hated this body so much. I hate these stupid hairy knuckles. I hate this ugly monkey face."

Charlie looked into the mirror as well. "You know, people always tell me I should hate my parents for forcing me to be born in hell. But I don't, I love them. They gave me life. Happiness is a choice, Rory. It doesn't matter where you are or what situation your in. Things can always get better, but only if you allow them to."

He chuckled, "Vaggie's a lucky gal."

"I know" Chalrie laughed.

"I should go." Rory said as he walked toward the door.

She followed him. "You're always welcome here." She leaned up and placed a light kiss on his cheek. "You're a good man, Rory. Don't ever forget that."

He smiled. "You know, I should've helped you that night."

"There was nothing you could do. The only thing you would've accomplished was your own erasure."

"Still, I shouldn't have just stood there and done nothing"

"You've done more than enough, trust me."

"Goodnight Charlie" he said as he closed the door behind him.


	6. Epilogue

A sunny day. Clear skies, a bit windy, but perfect weather otherwise. Rory returned from getting the limo washed to find Alastor in the courtyard thrusting into a tree with what appeared to be a thin saber of some kind.

"Ah Rory my boy, pick up a sword. I need someone to help me practice."

Rory looked around, puzzled, as if Alastor had made some mistake. "....who me?"

"Yes you! Have you ever fenced before?"

"No."

"It's simple. Keep your feet moving, try to maintain a distance between me at all times, and hit me before I hit you."

"Are you sure we should be using real swords for this? Isn't that dangerous?"

Alastor maintained his smile, albeit a condescending one. "This is HELL old chap! Nobody gives a damn about safety! Besides it's not like I'm going to kill you or anything."

"Yeah but... It still hurts!"

"Oh quit being such a baby. Now face me! And keep your guard up."

As the clashing of blades began, Rory clumsily tried to block Alastor's incoming attacks, to little avail. "Ow, so.... ow, why are we... ow, doing this.... ow, to begin with?!"

"I need to keep my skills sharp. I'm quite powerful in the dark arts, but I'll admit I've grown rather rusty with a standard weapon in my hands" Alastor finished his flurry with a grazing slash against Rory's cheek causing a small amount of blood to trickle down from the cut. "Come now, are you even trying?!" He took a step back and taunted. "Come at me with all your strength. I want you to really try and take my head off!"

Frustrated, Rory charged forward and threw all his weight behind a single swing. The blade cleanly ripped through Alastor's neck as his head flew several feet away, and rolled around a few times before coming to a dead stop on the ground. Rory covered his mouth in horror. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! AAAHHHH!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! OH MY GOD! OH FUCK! WHAT HAVE I DONE!"

Alastor's head laughed as his body stumbled around looking looking for him. "Hahaha, relax my oafish friend! I didn't feel any of that!" The body picked it's master up off the ground, dusted it off, and twisted it back onto his neck stump. "But you should've seen the look on your face. 'oooooooh nooooo what have I done!'" he mocked.

Rory looked pissed. "You're a real asshole, you know that?" as Alastor continued to laugh.

The front door to the hotel opened. Charlie held a phone in her hand. "Hey Rory, you got a call from my dad's office. They said for you to come in ASAP."

"Is that bad?"

"I don't know. Hopefully it's nothing" Charlie said with a worried expression.

~~~~~~~~~

(Lucifer's office, top floor, downtown Pentagram City)

Rory sat in a fancy leather chair in a large air conditioned office, nervously tapping his feet.

At the desk opposite him was none other than Charlie's father and the king of hell. He was casually flipping through some of Rory's files. The time for his yearly performance review had arrived. His very fate hung in the balance.

"How is Charlie doing these days?" A surprisingly gentle voice came from Lucifer's mouth. "As you can imagine, I'm a very busy man, so I don't always get to check in on my daughter very often."

"S-she's fine."

"Is she still going on about that silly hotel I let her have?"

Rory nodded.

"Hm, her naivete is adorable" Lucifer chuckled. "If only she knew how little her actions matter." He paused and took a sip of coffee. "And what is it you do again?" He asked flippantly.

Rory gulped, beads of sweat were rolling down his forehead. His heart pounded. "Um... I'm a chauffer. I make sure the princess gets where she needs to go."

"Right. Right." Lucifer said, not even making eye contact. "Well from what I have here your performance was satasfactory. Unfortunately, we no longer have a need for someone in your position. You're free to go now." He tossed the papers into a nearby bin and returned his vision to signing various other documents.

Rory awkwardly stood up and stumbled toward the exit. He turned back around. "Uh, what do I do now?"

"That's not really my problem now, is it? My secretary can show you the door." His eyes never left the pen he was working with.

He thought about saying something else, but the idea of pissing off a man with an unholy amount of dark power didn't appeal to him at the moment. He instead walked toward the elevator, a lump forming in his throat.

And just like that, he was out on his ass again. "I'll probably be homeless for a while... again..." He thought. "I doubt I'll be as lucky finding food and shelter as I was the first time". He thought back to the day he first entered this ungodly place. Hardened by earth standards, down here he was nothing but a fresh faced babe ready to be beaten, robbed, and violated. It was only by sheer luck that he found this career. The friends he had made, they took him in without a single question. He couldn't let it end like this. In a few minutes, he would board a bus that would take him to the place he called home for the past year.

~~~~~~~~~

(Hotel entrance, evening)

"He just tossed you aside?!" an unusually livid Charlie exclaimed.

"To be honest, it went better than I expected. I half expected him to throw me into a pit of fire, or hook me up to some kind of torture device"

"My dad doesn't do that stuff. At least not anymore."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he really mellowed out after my mom had me. Now he just has his imps do everything for him. What will you do now?"

Rory shuffled his feet. "You know, I think I've learned quite a bit from our conversations together. And it got me to thinkin'... Maybe I oughtta give this whole 'redemption' thing a whirl."

Charlie gasped, her face glowing with excitement. "Does this mean... You're checking in?!" Before Rory could get in another word, She lunged forward and hugged him like a vicegrip. "That's wonderful! This is going to be so much fun!"

His lungs were crushed and his eyes threatened to pop out of his head. "Just... for a... little while" he wheezed before Charlie finally loosened her grip. "At least until I find another place to live."

"Right, right. We don't wanna force you into any big commitments yet. I'm sorry, it's just.... It's been so long since we've had a new guest. I'm so excited!"

"How many guests do you have right now?"

"A few dozen. But we've got hundreds of empty rooms just gathering dust."

"And how will I be compensating you guys exactly? I feel bad mooching off of you."

"No. It's no charge. All we ask is that you make a good faith effort to be a better person, and to increase your moral standing every day."

"Great. So where do I get started?"

"You'll wanna talk with Vaggie about getting set up here. She'll have you sign a few documents. Just agreeing that you won't steal or destroy any hotel property, or that you won't attack any of our other guests."

"Paperwork? What is it with your family and bureaucracy?"

"We like to do things a little different from what you'll see out there. The red tape is nowhere near as bad as what they have in heaven. But we like to cut down on the chaos just a little. As you can imagine, hell is crawling with lawyers that would love to get their claws into my dad's business." She paused, "Are you sure you wanna do this? You'll have to be on your best behavior, and we'll be expecting you to adhere to our strict moral code"

"So, what I can't swear or anything?"

"No swearing. No drug use of any kind. No violence. No fornicating or adultery."

"But Angel does all that stuff!"

"Yes and he's a bad example. We have a lot to work on with him."

Rory thought about it for a moment. "Alright Charlie, I'll play by your rules."

"Yes! Let me go give Vaggie a call. As soon as you're ready, we'll have Niffty prepare a room for you."

As Charlie briskly walked away, Rory reflected on how he got to this point in his afterlife, and what the future might hold for him.

"I used to curse God for what I felt was an unfair life. I struggled to make ends meet my whole life. I made the best of limited opportunities, even when it led me down dark paths. When I started committing crimes and running with the wrong crowd, I would always shift the blame away from myself, as if I had no agency or impact on how my life would turn out. 

I thought myself invincible. But that fantasy collapsed when a bullet crashed through my skull. When I landed here in hell, I had realized just how stupid I was. How much business I left unfinished. How many wrongs I should've righted. But by the time I had realized this, it was too late.

I was alone. Bitter and angry at the world. Angry at God. Angry at fate. Angry at myself. A part of me wished to give into despair and jump in front of an angel's spear and be done with it already. But somehow I saw myself through. I realized that feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to do a damn bit of good.

And I met friends as well. They set me on the right path again. I had faith that their love for me would see me through any peril. Even when I doubted myself, I could rely on their strength. People need eachother.

People need hope to survive. Like a wolf gnawing at it's leg in a trap, hope that all the pain will have been worth it in the end.

I don't know if the road ahead will lead my soul to the gates of paradise, or the inky abyss. I guess I'll just strap in and enjoy the ride."


End file.
